As I said in my previous post the last year+ has been a difficult one. I’ve had to come to terms with several very difficult decisions, and find ways to get through some very draining emotions. The biggest of which was deciding that my marriage could not be salvaged if I was the only one that wanted to take the necessary steps to salvage it.
Anger was by far the hardest. I feel very lucky that I have very wonderful friends that allowed me to express my anger and also let me know when it was getting too much. I didn’t want to stay angry. That anger eats away at your sould, and really distances you from other people. I knew for sure that I needed my people around me, even if it was only on the days that I had the energy to interact.
I don’t know all the right steps for everyone to get past their anger, but for me redirecting that energy helpped. I started with making a concious decision that I wanted to find a way to release my anger. Then I found some motivation, for me I knew I was going on vacation so I redirected my anger into working out. I also did my best to try to do some things that made me happy and conciously work to be in the moment and fully enjoy those things while I was doing them. I went to some local concerts with friends, and focused energy into work and developing myself (yes my job makes me happy.) I also communicated as contructivly as I could to my husband that I was angry and why. I know that anger can make you feel crazy and want to explode on whatever made you angry, but honestly how is that helping you in the long run?
Now I’m left with finding myself again. After the anger dissipated I was still left with alot of other emotions that I’m still trying to figure out. I had built a life, and dreams of what the future with my husband was going to be, and as it has unravelled everything I thought the future held went with it.
How does someone go about finding themselves, new dreams, and what makes them happy again? Well for me I’ve been trying to go through all the things I like to do and eliminate the ones I came to like because of my husband. That’s not to eliminate him, it’s so I can find the things that make me happy without reminding me of him while I do them.
I have always loved creating art, but haven’t really had the energy to dive all the way back into painting. I heard about “adult” coloring books from a friend and they seemed like the perfect way to ease back into being creative. I even went so far as to turn some of them into framed pieces for my bathroom.
I also started doing things I like to do by myself if I can’t find anyone to come with me. This past week I went to the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium. Going to the zoo has always been one of my favorite things to do, even when I travel I try to go to local zoos. CZ&A opened a new area featuring animals from all over Africa. The new area is stunning, a huge savannah for lots of animals to mix and mingle, and a fantastic area for the new giraffes.
The only wonderful animals not out and about were the lions, because the mamas are so busy taking care of the 6 tiny cubs that have just joined their pride. There were lots of other babies around for me to get photos of though.
All and all it was a really good day, and I left feeling really good about doing something I really love to do. I know I have a long way to go to get back to happy, but I’m on a mission to find it, and find it through finding myself again.
What are some things that you love to do?